In the Cafe
by Sarcasma
Summary: This is a look into what might happen if JK Rowling were to head back to the cafes to do some writing. Two crazed fans and Rowling feeling like she's loosing her mind. R&R please. One shot.


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A/N: This is a parody on what might happen if one our favorite authors and idols, namely JK Rowling, were to go to a local Cafe to write. Hope you like this!

Disclaimer: JK Rowling is JK Rowling, so, since slavery isn't allowed, I don't own her, not that I'd want to because I do believe in the pursuit of Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Harry Potter =)

In the Cafe

[One summer day, J K Rowling is having a hard day's work and decides to take a stroll to the local café to get through some writer's block. It is pretty empty, only two preteen girls sitting in a corner chatting. She goes up to the counter and orders a coffee.]

Tim: Hey Joanne, how's it goin'?

JK: Alright, just need a place to sit and work some stuff out.

T: You know you can always use your booth. I haven't seen you here in a while.

JK: Yeah, well things have been a bit hectic. I better get working on this. (She walks over to the booth she usually works at after getting her coffee, sits down, opens her notebook and starts to write when the girls, who had been making glances in Rowling's direction, come over.)

1: Are you J K Rowling?

JK: Yes I am (looks up at the girls)

2: We're big fans.

JK: Well thank you. I'm glad you enjoy the series.

1: We were wondering if you could solve an argument we've been having?

JK: (takes a long sip of coffee, looks longingly at the piece of paper, and puts down her pen) I can try.

2: We've been discussing who Harry's going to marry in the end.

1: Is it Cho or Hermione?

JK: (gives a dumbfounded look, but 'answers' the stupid question) Who said Harry's even the marrying type?

1: (Both girls look distraught) You mean he's not going to get married?

JK: Maybe, maybe not. (Picks pen back up)

2: We won't tell we promise!

JK: (Trying to keep a good humor about this) Can you two keep a secret?

1&2: YES!

JK: Good, so can I. (Turns back to paper)

2: (to 1) You know he's going to be with Cho.

1: Right, and pigs fly! It's all about Hermione, isn't Ms. Rowling?

JK: Huh? Oh... right that. Well, seeing how things turned out with Cho, I would hope that no boy would force himself back into that.

1: Ha! See? (Points to Rowling as if to reiterate)

JK: I didn't say it was Hermione.

1: (pouts) What? Not Hermione?

JK: (Rolls her eyes, though the girls don't notice) If I can finish the sixth book, maybe you'll see.

2: What's it going to be called?

JK: (under her breath) Harry Potter and the fans that wouldn't leave me alone!

1: What?

JK: I'm not exactly at liberty to tell you that.

2: What if we guessed and you told us when we get it right?

JK: (trying to write at the same time) Sure, that sounds dandy.

1: Harry Potter and the Pillar of Storgé?

JK: What?

2: Okay, that's not it. How about... Harry Potter and the Green Flame Torch?

JK: No, not quite.

2: Harry Potter and the toenail of Icklibõgg?

JK: Toenail? Did you just say toenail?

1: ...the Fortress of Shadows?

2: No, stupid, the Forest of Shadows.

JK: Hey, hey now (having a mum moment) no name calling now.

1: Harry Potter and the Mountain of Fantasy?

JK: No, no, no and no. (Getting frustrated, though the girls don't notice) Sorry girls, but none of those are it, and now I have to get to writing, if you don't mind.

2: Oh no, not at all.

1: Please do!

JK: Thank you. (turns back to her writing as the girls stay right where they are. She tries to ignore this for a minute before looking back up at them) Can I help you?

1: (whispering as if it helps) Well, we just thought we could see the artist at work.

JK: (sighs) I really like to work alone.

2: Oh, alright then, can we just ask one more tiny question?

JK: Sure, why not? I have nothing better to do with my time. (shuts notebook)

2: Is Neville really Peter Pettigrew's son?

JK: (In disbelief) What?! Neville... related... to...NO!

1: We just wondered because they look so much alike, and they were both so clumsy and bad at things that we just thought-

JK: You thought wrong, I'm sorry to tell you, but that is far from the truth.

2: What about Lily? Was she a death eater?

JK: (rubs her temples) I can't believe I'm hearing this... Why on earth would Lily have to go into hiding from DEATH EATERS if she was one?

2: (starts giving prediction as if Rowling was just another audience member to her books) Maybe it wasn't really Peter who gave them up, maybe it was Lily, because He-who-must-not-be-named didn't want to kill her. Maybe he was in love with Lily and-

JK: No! That's enough of that theory! His name is Voldermort and he was not in love with Lily. Peter was the one who turned them over, and things are how I say they are.

1: What about Moody really being Crouch, or Scabbers being Peter, or-

JK: Fine, everything is not as it appears sometimes, but long standing facts are just that, thank you very much.

1: You know, Jessica here writes some really good fan fictions, would you like to read one?

JK: If I can write after.

2: (blushing and getting four or five papers out of her book bag) Sure, thank you JK!

JK: Call me Joanne, please. (Takes paper and doesn't read past the title 'Virginia's Diary') Who's Virginia?

2: Ginny, you know her real name.

JK: Her real name is Ginevra, not Virginia. Do you think I'd name any of my characters after an American state? Besides, I've never called her anything but Ginny.

1: But it's a great story of how Draco is the only one who understands her, and she's the only one to understand him, and it's romantic. (Her eyes glaze over)

JK: Romance? Between a Malfoy and a Weasley? (Stops scanning page as she sees an excessive amount of snogging by the second paragraph)

2: Yeah, a sort of love hate thing, but he starts to realize how wrong he was about muggles and they date, even though Ron doesn't approve.

JK: Oh, alrighty then, good luck with that. (Pulls out two sheets of paper from the back of her notebook) I have, er, really found talking with you girls interesting so (writes a short note and signs one paper in Jessica's name, then looks at the other girl) What is your name?

1: (Flustered) Emily.

JK: Aright (Writes on the other paper to Emily) Here you go. You girls have a nice day.

2: Thank you Joanne!

1: Yeah, you're the best!

[Exit girls squealing with one another as Rowling puts her head in her hands]

JK: MORE COFFEE!!!

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A/N: Okay, what do you all think? I used www.jkrowling.com as a guide to common rumors and questions concerning the series. If you want to check out her real answers, I encourage you to do so. This is a great website, and it is the official, at that. I also mentioned a cliche DG plot scenario, don't take offence DG shippers! It's a joke and although I don't believe that will happen (Note that most of my fics happen to be HG, although I'm not sure that will happen either) I don't down your fics. I happen to like reading that pairing if it is a good story line =) Please read and review.

If you like this one, you might like some of the following:

All Around the School: by me and Crescent Lovegood

Teacher's Lounge: by Crescent Lovegood

Harmony at Hogwarts: by me (funnier than you'd think, I promise! Most people who are reluctant to read it end up writing me to let me know how original and great it is. I'm not trying to toot my own horn here, but that's what they've said; and besides, here on fanfic, it's all about self promotion right?)

Letter and Carepackages: by JamieBell

The Errol of my ways: by Dragonessa Smith

ECT Check with any of the authors I've listed above.


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